Julianna Hatfield 3's "Spin the Bottle"

(Wasn’t this song on some kind of 90s movie soundtrack?) I don’t have a lot of love for Juliana Hatfield, much less for 3 of her. But I have grown, against my will, to love this song. “He’s a movie star / Only drives rented cars / Met him in a bar / Said I know who you are...,” it’s laughable because my actor friend was the one playing this song as he was swaying his little toosh and making dinner. I’m sure in his head it was written just for him. He seems to think this way in his head lately, and unfortunately for him he reveals this little snippet of conceit to me. Julianna’s tinny little voice can be abrasive to the ears if you’re listening too often or too loud. You either think this song is really cute when you first hear it, or you hate it until your totally gorgeous friend has played it nine times and counting and you’re finally appreciating why people like it. [Though I’m suspicious of my threshold for annoying songs. Did my brain just give up? Is it a you-can’t-beat-em-so-join-em sort of thing?]
Anyway if you haven’t heard the song, its very much like a girl getting used to her new birth control pill, or “oral contraceptive” as they so kindly refer to it in nice clean doctor’s offices. It’s so innocent and hormonal and energetic... Strum strum strum – and then you get this break of two lines with Julianna singing with melody, “Five minutes in a closet with you,” but soon after that you’re back to the frenetic, hurried way of blah blah blah. It’s like she’s trying to get the song out super fast like it’s so important – or like she knows all this is going to come out so she’s trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. It even speeds up towards the end.
My friend rewound “He’s in a bunch of movies / Really stupid movies / It’s not entirely his fault / He can’t control it all,” over and over again in a kind of childlike, girly glee that made me wonder if the tabloids are correct. IS he into boys like I’m into boys? Is this his way of coming out to me? Do we need to have a talk?
Damn you Juliana! I forgot this song existed! What’s next on his play list, “He’s Kissing Christian” by That Dog. Or will he put “But I’m A Cheerleader” in for the dinner time movie? Oh, Jules – don’t worry. I wouldn’t be surprised if the tabloids are correct about his sexuality, I’d love him all the same. But it would be a damn shame because... Giiirl! He’s fly.