Gin & Platonic

during simpler times

Thursday night, a friend casually turned to me and said in passing, "You know that [so-and-so] has a massive crush on you, right?" There was a pause in the rhythm of my step causing me to stumble just a little bit. Hopefully an unnoticeable little bit, a reaction to the surprise. I was planning to set up [so-and-so] with one of my good friends... Then I thought that the last time I've actually hung out with [so-and-so], I didn't particularly act "flirty" and they didn't particularly hang out with me after that. A little bummed out feeling made my stomach turn: I thought this person was really into my humor and musical taste, not how I might taste. (Take that as you will.) I was disappointed to know that [so-and-so's] kindness and attention had ulterior motives.

Did you know that "ulterior motives" doesn't necessarily have a negative connotation? It simply means "going beyond what is openly said or shown and especially what is proper"

But I was also flattered. However, flattery doesn't make up for the lack of attraction.

Prior to this little exchange of knowledge, I have spent the last couple weeks trying to super-glue back together a 2-year-long friendship of mine with a very nice man who caught the wrong idea. Basically, I accepted a really amazing and expensive birthday gift from very nice man - thinking it was just that: A really amazing and expensive birthday gift. Turns out Adam and Paula and just about the rest of you were right: Nothing comes for free. In accepting this gift, it was assumed that I was interested in a romantic entanglement with very nice man . Yeah, assumed to everyone but me. Due to the gift being very expensive, and to add insult to injury - non-refundable - we've suffered emotional minor cuts and bruises because of this miscommunication. Yes, in hindsight, it was very naïve of me to assume that very nice man was just being a very nice man, but I tend to be a generous person and have given extravagant gifts in the past, with zero exchange expected. So perhaps my view of the meaning of gifts is skewed?

Similarly, I've had two friends who don't even know each other, have this problem. One has had a purely sexual relationfriendship for about a year, and then realized she was pretty much in love with this dude. He thought one thing, she wants another. Whatever they had going was annulled and now no one is having fun. Strike One. Two has a surrogate boyfriend, which means they have everything sans the sex. Though I saw them together and they looked at each other pretty googley-eyed - I'm quite convinced that they have the stars and the moon between their blessed little hearts, I understand that breaking that "friendship" wall is very daunting and it might be awhile till they get any action. Again, no one is having much fun. Strike Two.

Don't get me wrong - I like to be liked. I just don't like to be tricked. It's tiresome to hear the "I've liked you for so long..." speech. I've accepted that I'm a little stand-offish and therefore not the easiest to approach. And yeah, I know that people grow to adore others. Don't be a grower and not a shower. Be both! Are we to read between every line?! Does every breath, blink, and word - even the conjunction ones - have an underlying meaning? I truly hope not. I'm trying not to lose my faith in men and women truly being just friends, you know - on the imaginary planet of Platopia. Sure, everyone likes sex, it's fun, and a lot of things revolve around it. But the more time passes, the more I classify Person X as "friend" and not "roll-around-the-bed-mate." Can't speak for everyone else, but I truly believe the more time passes the more sex becomes a risk instead of an enjoyable tryst. Sex doesn't just carry your seed, it also is a seed that has to be planted early on. If you're into it, you can cultivate it to be something more and it can grow with a friendship (read: relationship). What I'm saying is: be straight-forward. Let's get our intentions straight; Let's make a deal; &/or Let's save us all a little time. And don't be too scared of eggs in a basket because just because you tell someone you "like" them, doesn't mean you like only them.

To put the shoe on the other foot (another funny American expression*) I actually basically had to ask someone to hang out with me as friends today because he is a member of the opposite sex. I don't think I would have had to take that extra step of clarification if he was a she. And in doing so, I believe to have made things "weird" with a special dash of awkward and he hasn't responded to me since. Uh boy, I feel stupid. Like I've digressed into the elementary days of ringing your play mate's doorbell and innocently asking, "Hi! Can Fernando play?" This of course was prior to the days when Fernando got "cooties" - naturally.

As a 'thank you' for reading these rather lengthy, very peculiar and uncharacteristic rants of late, here's an accompaniment:

• Joan of Arc - Gin & Platonic (from "How Memory Works")
  
• The White Stripes - We're Going To Be Friends (from "White Blood Cells")
  
• The Kinks - Young & Innocent Days (from "Decline And Fall Of The British Empire")
  
• Pulp - Babies (from "His 'N' Hers")
  
• Mystery Palace - Two-Way Stranger (from "Flags Forward")
  
• Matthew Sweet & Susanna Hoffs - Different Drum (from "Under The Covers, Volume 1)
  
• Pink Fairies - I Wish I Was A Girl (from "Kings Of Oblivion")
  
• Blur - On Your Own (Crouch End Broadway Mix) (from "Bustin' + Dronin'")