Press pause: a practice in further understanding

Today Brenda and Dylan broke up. It seems serious.

In thinking of breaking up, I compared the weight of a romantic break-up to friendship break-up. I thought of this girl Giulia. She was a friend of a Mutual Friend of ours. She seemed okay at first & face value (just don't scratch the surface) but when push came to shove (also known as "the crunch") she was nowhere to be found. I always thought that simply being a friend is the least we could do for one another, that that kind of support should could come easy like second nature. But I guess the truth of the matter is that some people just can't do it. They are devoid of compassion. For the first time I realized that there is a difference between someone going through the motions of being a good person through actions they're emulating and someone who is truly a good friend.

When the crunch came around, Giulia (whose name is quite fitting as it means youthful, and the person in question is emotionally stunted and immature) was worse than "no where to be found" - instead she caused an argument with our Mutual Friend. This was a frivolous argument - especially since within 10 days Mutual Friend ended a romance for the 82nd time, had a gynecological scare complete with a series of tests, another dishonest person in her employ, and the loss of a major client. Even for someone like Giulia, who was unemployed for six months at this point, you would think that she would grasp the hardships that her supposed good friend was going through.

It's really difficult not to judge and not to dislike a person like Giulia - on top of her failues as a decent human being, from my observation and the confirmation of one of her roommates - she can't go a day without drinking, drives drunk all the time, and partakes in other substances that give residents of L.A. a bad name. (Like the people that move to California, L.A. in particular, who see how Angelinos are portrayed in movies - a mixture of Swimming With Sharks and Valley Girl - and think they have to act that way because of their zip code. Think = douchebag.) Laughable that Giulia took Mutual Friend's unfortunate series of events and made it about herself, coupled with that she truly believes that she is a nice person. (If you are nice to strangers or acquaintances but abandon your friends when they need you - does that make you a nice person?) She even claimed to be going through a "transitional period" which she blamed for her behavior. (Voluntary unemployment and living expenses likely funded by Giulia's parents hardly counts for a transitional period to me.) I suppose people have different definitions of friendship, and timing truly plays a factor in what one is able to give - but to kick someone you call one of your two closest friends while they are down is downright inhuman. Maybe I'm over-protective of Mutual Friend, but no one likes to see their friends hurt.

Giulia took the weekend to write Mutual Friend an email explaining her position, even offering to pray. (Pray?) Mutual Friend took things in, and bid good riddance to Giulia in a reply email that she keeps around because it is so beautifully written. (She said you could read it if you wanted, and despite its tone of goodbye - it is an amazing procession of words.) Inexplicably curious? Let me know you want to read it and I'll send you the link.

You know, I wrote all that stuff and realized it's irrelevant to me and you. The point of it is, there is a really well-written good-bye letter and I think you should read it. My favorite line: "Your failure to communicate those things to me left me defenseless in even attempting to be a friend to you and make you feel otherwise."
I wish I wrote it, it is so good.

Here it is: Mutual Friend's response to Giulia