If I hear another fecking Xmas carol, I'll...

Hello my pals! How are you doing this holiday season? If you're anything like me, a simple trip to The Container Store hearing modernized versions of already painful Christmas/Holiday songs can put you in a knee-breaking mood. Well, I find that my trusty compilation by Mr. John Waters can brighten the mood.

"Have a merry, rotten, scary, sexy, biracial, ludicrous, happy little Christmas," says the little sticker on the front. Followed by "- John Waters." All of this in a font so familiar to many Xmas cards. Underneath this little greeting it says, "Featuring 12 eccentric holiday songs selected by John Waters to entice your holiday spirits."

Tracklisting:
1. Fat Daddy - Fat Daddy
2. Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer - Tiny Tim
3. Christmas Time Is Coming (A Street Carol) - Stormy Weather
4. Happy Birthday Jesus - Little Cindy
5. Here Comes Fatty Claus - Rudolph & Gang
6. Little Mary Christmas - Roger Christian
7. I Wish You A Merry Christmas - Big Dee Irwin & Little Eva
8. Santa Don't Pass Me By - Jimmy Donley
9. Sleigh Ride - Alvin & The Chipmunks
10. Sleigh Bells, Reindeer And Snow
11. First Snowfall - The Coctails
12. Santa Claus Is A Black man - AKIM & The Teddy Vann Production Company

And a review from Amazon.com -

Baltimore’s greatest filmmaker has demonstrated a deep appreciation for that very American crossroads of kitsch and sensationalism since the late ‘60s, at least. Of course, quirky Christmas anthologies abound already. But the songs on A John Waters Xmas are novelty songs for the true connoisseur, including recordings so saccharine and horrifying you wonder how the engineers did not run from the booth screaming; "Happy Birthday Jesus" by the precocious Little Cindy is likely the scariest thing you will ever hear in your life. Not everything is so "Outsider"-y and thrift store score; there’s the rocking, funny "Fat Daddy" by Fat Daddy, a delightful song by the Coctails with the singing saw as the lead instrument, and a gorgeous obscure doo-wop number called "Christmas Time Is Coming (A Street Carol)" by Stormy Weather. --Mike McGonigal